Repatriating: when coming back is harder than leaving

It was an eventful Sunday for us. To cut the story short, my sister-in-law and I were about to meet a security staff in a shopping mall in south Jakarta who claimed to have found her mobile phone.  While we were waiting for him to come down to where we were, my sis-in-law was contemplating if IDR 50,000 (less than USD4) would be enough of a “compensation”.

I gave her a that-is-a-silly-question look, “I don’t think you need to give him any money. He was being kind, giving back the phone to us.”

She looked back at me, amazed, and said, “No, we have to. It’s a common thing here.” To which I confidently replied, “Nah, I’m sure he wouldn’t accept the money from you.”

A few minutes later I was proven wrong as we saw the security staff took the money from my sis-in-law and thanked her while he handed over the phone.

Won’t be a cakewalk

This incident hit me hard.  I can’t comprehend why people in my home-country do what they do. And that’s one of the biggest changes in repatriating.  While change itself, even in any given situation, is overwhelming because we are expected to deal with all aspects of it all at the very same time — local climate, food, language, to name just a few.

Some call it reverse culture shock, some re-entry shock.  And it is real and could be harder than you thought and are prepared for.

Recently came back to my home country after being away for 12 years and lived in 3 different countries, I find myself had to deal with the reality of my lack of cultural understanding; that an act of kindness can’t be returned by a ‘thank you’, that such an act deserves a financial compensation.

If I were my sister-in-law I would have thanked the person a million times. But to give him cash for returning my mobile phone? It would never cross my mind.

Fight the good fight: some strategies

Dealing with changes when returning home can actually be more stressful than outward transition.

On a survival mode I do recognise I need some strategies to cope with them.  The practical advice below may sum up some of what came to my mind:

1. People I knew in town have moved on with their lives whose routines do not include me.  Acknowledging that as fact is I see as a significant step, but finding new connections that understand and accept you is quite another.  At the same time I still maintain communications with people in places I left for moral support.
2. In a talented nation of 250 million people Indonesia has a constant supply of new-comers in the entertainment industry.  While I don’t  recognise 95% of famous faces and names anymore on the local TV, nor get the most current jokes and lingo, I set a priority that this is the least in my list to deal with.  This is helpful to focus my energy and mental strength dealing with others of higher priority in the list.
3. Not everyone would appreciate the rich exposure you obtained abroad, they may not understand it either, not even your family members.  Understand where people are and come from, just like when I was abroad is something I still need to tell myself — all the time.
4. Surround yourself with the best.  As painful and stressful as changes in returning-home can be, it is tempting to trust less and shut people out.  But as soon as we find the few who are willing to put themselves out for us and walk alongside us in the tough transition period, keep them close.

When coming back is harder than leaving

Coming back to your home-country after spending time abroad is not a problem-free process.

There has been little research done on expatriates situation when they return home.  But we can learn from those who have gone through the journey.  The famous I am a Triangle is one of the recommended places to go.

You may have been given more time to adjust and settle in when you were abroad, but back in your home-country there isn’t much time provided for you and people incorrectly expect you to be already familiar with how things are, forgetting that you are a changed person and things changed too while you were away.

If you are repatriating, have been in the same situation or come across similar experience, feel free to share your stories.